Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
