physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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