Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
