the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
