i think i scared a bird with my dick
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
