Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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