The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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