The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
