Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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