anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
