Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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