My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
