i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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