i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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