Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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