I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Oh god it's open bar.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
