just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
