omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
