hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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