I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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