He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
