I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm sobbing to NWA
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
