I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
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