Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
