like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
