pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
