My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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