So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
