you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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