I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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