i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
