I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Never underestimate the power of titties
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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