I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
