SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
