People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
