Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I puked a lego.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
