I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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