I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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