it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
