there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
