JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
