the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Your mouth is God's brothel.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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