Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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