Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
