my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
