I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
dude. I can hear the air.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
