I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
