I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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