According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
