I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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