Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
