it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
