I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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