i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
