I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
