you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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