Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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